July’s prompt ignited the desire within me to declare my independence from needing to accomplish and “do” things in order to feel good about myself. It was a good reminder to be careful of what I ask the universe for, because I usually get it, but not always in the way I think!
I noticed on the 5th of July I was starting to get a dry, rough throat. Two days later I noticed a sore throat coming on, and my energy level was low, by that evening my throat was raw and I knew I had to cancel my clients for at least the next couple of days. Interesting how I had just declared my independence from doing and achieving, and then got so sick that I needed to stay home and “do nothing.” I wonder if that is the universe’s way of letting me know that I’m in the baby stages of this quest “to be” and needed to have a reason to do nothing. I believe this is evidence that I’m in my infancy stage of “beingness” when my body needs to get sick in order to slow me down and give me the opportunity to do nothing, just like I asked for!
While I was home I noticed I felt uncomfortable being away from my computer work while I was sick. Thoughts of checking my email, working on my e-course, following up on my facebook page and checking my work messages would float in and out of my mind. The gift of being sick, was I didn’t have the energy to do those things, my body actually took care of me by needing to sleep and not giving me the mental capacity or physical energy to follow up on these thoughts. When I was awake I consciously chose non-work books to read for pleasure. As I was convalescing I noticed I began to feel like I was on vacation for periods of time. The weather was sunny and hot, and there were times when I had the energy to put on my suit and lay out in the chaise lounge in the back yard and read my book before going back to bed. I walked through my house experiencing the quiet and energy of being alone in a house that is generally full of action and loved ones. I laid in my bed and noticed the soft light peeking in from the slots in the blinds, bringing my attention to the purple orchid buds on my dresser. Their stillness belied the growth that was happening inside their petals. They invited me to stay curled up in my sheets lying still, letting my body use this quiet time to heal.
This experience has brought back my practice of sitting on my mediation bench. This morning I spent time on my bench, surrounded by cascading roses. I smelled their fragrance, sat with their full vibrant colors and their dry brittle remnants of selves. Nature is my teacher. I am aware of vibrant parts of myself that are blossoming at the same time that I am aware of dry brittle parts of myself that are dying away. Both have equal value.
Sitting quietly with myself on my meditation bench is a Self-Love Diet gift I intend to bring back into my everyday life. I am grateful for the lessons this sickness offered me. It allowed me to experience letting go of doing and learning how to “be” in the midst of a full work week.
I know my body will get sick from time to time, but my intention is to spend more time being with myself when I am healthy. By balancing my accomplishment oriented self with my grounding meditative self on an ongoing basis, I will get what I’ve asked for in the way I want to receive it.
What are you declaring independence from? What will you celebrate this month? I look forward to reading your progress with your Self-Love Diet.
Blessings on your journey,