I Love My Brain!

This past week I was waiting on the results from a MRI. So there I was, after an anxious 2.5 weeks, finally on a table: an IV hooked up in my left arm, beeping machines monitoring my heart on the right, a tube about to be inserted all the way down my esophagus and stomach, thinking, “How did I think bulimia was worth it?”

This, my friends, isn’t a spot you want to reach. I never thought my bulimia would lead me to lying on a table praying that I don’t have esophageal,  larynx or brain cancer, and praying that it hasn’t come back.

At the time, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

The sad part is that even after I was diagnosed, I told my parents and the doctor that it must be connected to “smoking.”

I continued in my active life with bulimia all through chemo. I Lost my hair. I was diagnosed with cancer, and bulimia still consumed my life.

A few months ago, something changed. I went from only me knowing about my eating disorder to practically the whole town knowing (small town problems).

My psychiatrist recommended PHP. I went to one for two whole weeks (insurance stopped covering it). Then I got an ED therapist and a nutritionist, started following Minnie Maud and I picked up the book Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works.

Bulimia took two years of my life, gave me cancer and the chemo made me lose my hearing. I lost a child, a fiance, my parents’ trust, friends and much more.

Every day I am learning to deal with my pain. It is the hardest thing. Laying on that table was the hardest thing. Every day I choose Recovery, but sometimes that ED Voice is still pretty loud. But you know what screams louder? That new self-love I continue to find in myself and others.

I am so happy to tell you all that I am Cancer Free!! So I am grateful for my brain and the fact that it is Cancer Free, that I’m on the Self-Love Path!

-Lila


May’s self-love writing prompt is Body Gratitude. You can share your self-love journey with the Love Warrior Community by submitting your self-love posts to be published here on Self-Love Warrior, or you can share them on the Self-Love Diet Facebook page.

About Sunny With A Chance of Me

Hey, I'm Lila, 23, Musician, Dance, Photography, Pre- Med Major. GCU. Singer, Activist, Believer, Awesomesauce, Self-Love Warrior Intern. I am Recovering, Inspiring, Thriving, Surviving, Conquering and Zesting others with my charm. This is blog of my recovery, my journey, and my life. From Self-Hate to Self- Love! SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LOOK YOUR LION IN THE FACE AND ROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR BACK!
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One Response to I Love My Brain!

  1. Wow what a powerful first post Lila! I am so glad you have a second chance at health. Our brains are certainly important to our wellbeing. Choosing recovery is a daily, and sometimes moment by moment choice. I support you in choosing to love yourself.

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