As my “I love myself” mantra became a bit sing-song like today a few other things came up. A memory of doing a process with a coach by phone that was about improving my relationship with myself. This was quite a few years ago. I was imagining receiving love from myself. In my mind a figure (an aspect of myself that felt quite masculine) was behind me, putting their arms around me. At first it was ok, in fact if felt quite nice, then the activity became more intimate, tho not sexual (simply my imagination exploring what it meant to love myself) and I reacted. I felt blocked and closed. I was shocked that my own mind could be so resistant to imagining loving myself.
When this memory came to mind I had a sense that the process was being witnessed by a dirty old man of sorts. The energy wasn’t aggressive, simply observing with a sense of control and entitlement. Tho this entity felt separate from me, I recognise it as part of myself. A mental representation of the suppression of self love, intimacy and sexuality by society that I have unconsciously bought into.
As I sang the “I love myself” mantra persistently in my head, I became aware of a belief that loving myself exposes me to a risk of some sort of danger so better to simply avoid it. I’m aware that this is a powerful belief that has stopped me from exploring my relationship with myself despite all of the personal growth work I’ve done. Feels hard to believe! But it’s a real ‘Don’t go there girlfriend!’ kind of feeling. Of course I’m not going to let that stop me from loving myself, and anticipate that this is one of many barriers I will encounter in this journey.
Some victories to share:
For the third morning in a row, I’ve woken up and immediately begun the mantra unprompted other than it coming to mind. I feel proud of my mind’s commitment to this process. It really doesn’t feel conscious. It’s like a gift from my mind bringing it diligently to the surface. At least so far!
When I was walking my dogs, present to the mantra in my head, I started to feel it. Really feeling the love I have for myself, feeling worthy of it (at least for a moment) and aware of the joy of my existence. It helped that I was at the creek, one of my favourite places to be.
In reading some of the other blog posts I saw a line about ‘my self loving act for the day’ and thought, wow, just one!?! It helped me see that I’ve been making a lot of choices that are self loving and quite pleased with myself for it! There’s still a bit of “If I loved myself I would…” but for the most part it’s flowing nicely.
For the first time in years I’m spending time putting lotion of my feet! It feels like I’m more aware of what my body wants or at least what would be the action to take to honour my body. Feels good!
– Tathra Street (Tathra.me)
31-Day Self-Love Writing Challenge
January is Self-Love month, and it marks the 4th year that we’ve hosted the 31-Day Self-Love Writing Challenge. You can participate by submitting your self-love writing to be published on this blog. You can submit your writing here. You can also participate by writing your self-love posts on your own blog and linking back to the 31-Day Self-Love Writing Challenge, 2014 blog post and Facebook event. If you don’t start on January 1st, that’s fine! You can jump into the challenge whenever you want.
Win a Copy of Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works
Each blog post you write is one entry into our random drawing to win an autographed copy of my book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works. You’ll also be entered into our drawing to win our upcoming Self-Love e-products that we’ll be announcing soon.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your self-love writing, you can write in a journal or write yourself self-love emails. If writing isn’t for you, simply reading others’ self-love writing can be powerful and beneficial to you on your self-love journey.