I am consciously focusing on relationships this month of October. Last night I noticed my thoughts continuously drifting to a friend of mine who has had a number of surgeries this year. I noticed I was feeling guilty for not going over and bringing dinner like I did after her first surgery. I noticed that I had been thinking of her a lot lately, but had not called because I felt bad for not helping her more.
When I stopped to think of all of the things in my life that got in the way of me helping her like I have in the past, I gave myself some slack. I’ve had my hands full and have been doing my best to take care of myself and all of the other people under my care.
As I reflected on the theme of my last blog post, “it’s the little things” that count, I realized that I was not calling because I felt bad for not cooking and delivering a meal to her. The longer I didn’t go over or call, the more embarrassed I felt for not supporting her. I realized that support can be given in a number of different ways. Bringing dinner is not the only way I could support her. I decided to let go of my perfectionism and do something that was “good enough.”
I called her and let her know she’d been on my mind. I told her that I loved her and that I found myself avoiding calling her because I felt bad that I hadn’t come over with food like I had before. I told her what has been going on with my life that interfered with me coming by and I told her that I’ve been sending her love and intentions for healing.
She was not upset with me, in fact she told me she had “known” that something was going on for me. She was accepting and had even felt bad for not calling me!
Our relationship is stronger because I gave myself permission to have it be OK to do something “little,” which was to call her. She thanked me for calling her and told me she loved me too. We now have plans to get together when she’s up to it.
This action helped my relationship with myself because I stopped continuously criticizing myself for not doing the “perfect” thing. It also helped my relationship with my friend because I connected with her instead of continuing to avoid her. I find that emotional honesty always works better than avoidance.
I will do my best to remember that the “little things” can be “good enough.”
Michelle Minero, the Co-Founder of this blog and the overarching Love Warrior Community published her book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works. You can buy her book online or at stores in Petaluma, Sonoma and Healdsburg, California. For upcoming events and book signings, visit Michelle’s Events page.
Michelle Minero is a licensed marriage family therapist who specializes in eating disorder recovery. Michelle’s book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works, was published on January 23, 2013. You can purchase a copy through Amazon. Her dream is to see a world filled with people who love themselves and their bodies.
Michelle created an intensive outpatient eating disorder program in 2000, brought ANAD (Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, Inc.) to Petaluma shortly after and founded EDRS (Eating Disorder Recovery Support, Inc.), a Marin and Sonoma County based 501(c)3 non-profit organization in 2005. In 2011, Michelle co-founded the Love Warrior Community with her daughter, Emelina, an online community that helps people cultivate self-love, self-acceptance and body acceptance through creative expression. Connect with Michelle on Facebook and Twitter.