Loving yourself is an inside job. It doesn’t matter what is going on around you, what has happened in the past, or what you are afraid will happen in the future. All of these external experiences or fears cannot touch the inherent lovability within you.
One common mistake that people make is to believe the thoughts; “The abuse happened to me because I deserved it.” Or “I must be bad because otherwise why would such bad things happen to me?” Or “There must be something wrong with me.” Or “This is all I deserve in life.”
These common beliefs make sense from a psychological perspective. If a person believes there is something the matter with them that is inviting abuse or negative life experiences, then life makes sense. For example, if a little girl believes she is getting physically abused by her father because she does not help enough around the house, then she can make her bed each morning, and can clean up after herself and others. If she understood that her father’s rages had nothing to do with her, it would be much too scary to live with the belief that she was not the cause of his abuse. Believing she is the problem actually helps to her to have a sense of control or power in her life.
As human beings we are helped to make sense of the world by understanding, and finding meaning in our life experiences. There are many other beliefs that can help make sense of life experiences rather than the belief that you are inherently damaged or unlovable.
The concept of the existence of a silver lining in a rain cloud, or important lessons to be learned from challenging experiences, as well as acceptance of “what is” without labeling them “good” or “bad” are some other ways of dealing with life’s challenges. Faith and trust in God or a higher power is another belief that many find comfort in.
How would your life be different if you believed that you are lovable, deserving of all good things, and that challenging life experiences are just a part of life?
I invite you to share your insights, new perspectives, and action steps at www.selflovewarrior.com.
Blessings to you as you begin, or continue on your Self-Love Diet Journey,
Michelle Minero, the Co-Founder of this blog and the overarching Love Warrior Community published her book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works. You can buy her book online or at stores in Petaluma, Sonoma and Healdsburg, California. For upcoming events and book signings, visit Michelle’s Events page.
Michelle Minero is a licensed marriage family therapist who specializes in eating disorder recovery. Michelle’s book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works, was published on January 23, 2013. You can purchase a copy through Amazon. Her dream is to see a world filled with people who love themselves and their bodies.
Michelle created an intensive outpatient eating disorder program in 2000, brought ANAD (Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, Inc.) to Petaluma shortly after and founded EDRS (Eating Disorder Recovery Support, Inc.), a Marin and Sonoma County based 501(c)3 non-profit organization in 2005. In 2011, Michelle co-founded the Love Warrior Community with her daughter, Emelina, an online community that helps people cultivate self-love, self-acceptance and body acceptance through creative expression. Connect with Michelle on Facebook and Twitter.