Dear Love Warrior Community,
Today was Valentine’s Day. This has traditionally been a holiday with much energy around it from my past experiences of surviving chronic childhood sexual abuse and incest…and then it became “just another day for me over time.” The past several years I have made an effort to get those I appreciate and love flowers to express the gratitude and respect I have for them in my life. Today was a Valentine’s Day that was emotionally difficult.
This morning I woke up and stayed home from work after trying to heal from having strep throat the past several days. I acted on self-love this morning when I woke up. This was my first self-love action. I took care of myself by doing my own personal work today with the mentors and friends I have in my life.
Today was a day filled with boundary issues, anger and frustration; all things that I don’t often find myself struggling with. Today my love for another and myself was tested. I was angry and upset at someone I love because I felt like my boundaries were crossed, my trust was broken and that I was not being heard. I also felt like there was something I did wrong.
The second self-love action I took today was sitting with this person and working through boundary issues and my anger with her. It was difficult as I have had a past where I could not get angry. If I did I was abused or shamed. I learned it was not okay to be angry.
Today I let myself be angry! This was huge for me! What I received was a mutual loving partner in a relationship who did not leave or abandon me, they sat there, owned their part and I owned mine. We both thought that “we had done something that was wrong.” We were both vulnerable and heard a critical voice from within. As I was sitting with this individual I realized with her that we were both beating ourselves up for something that happened…something that happened that hurt me….something that she did not intend to happen.
She told me that it is important for me to love myself when I am achieving, feeling great and good inside, but it is even more important to love myself when I make a mistake, mess up or do something that may hurt someone. (Not intentionally) I realized that the greatest self-love I could give myself on this VDAY was love to this person I love dearly and to myself for any mistake and boundary that was violated. I needed to love myself like I would love someone else without hesitation who were in my shoes. May your VDAY be blessed and filled with self-love.
Michelle Minero, the Co-Founder of this blog and the overarching Love Warrior Community published her book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works. You can buy her book online or at the Petaluma Copperfield’s bookstore. For upcoming events and book signings, starting Feb 28, visit Michelle’s Events page.
Lindsey Wert is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Sonoma County with special interest in treatment and prevention of eating disorders and sexual trauma. Lindsey’s passions are supporting women in learning how to love themselves from the inside out. Lindsey contributes to her community by giving eating disorder presentations, doing prevention work and supporting the health at every size movement. Visit Lindsey’s personal website, From the Inside Out: Self Love and Transformation