This time of year, for anyone who was raised Catholic or some denomination close to that, is a reminder to give up something that is hindering our relationships. To me this means with God or with people in general. People give up food, or say they’re going on a diet…which is sort of like having a New Year’s Resolution. I’ve done those things before, but what to give up this year?
I’ve previously been spending my time not feeling worthy of any sort of intimacy in relationships. I just started a relationship with a wonderful person who cares so much for me, and all I can say to myself is, “I don’t deserve this.” What don’t I deserve, self? To be cared for? To have someone see all my flaws and still say they want to know more about me? To have someone actively worshiping my body? To be ridiculously happy? I’m not sure, but it’s been the worst time for my self-confidence because of it.
Once I realized that I didn’t feel worthy, I did what most any college student would do, I told my therapist. She told me to actively tell myself 5-10 things everyday that I appreciate about myself. After a few days of thinking this was silly, I realized it was helping. A few days later (about a week ago) I realized what I needed to give up for Lent this year: self-loathing.
I’m tired of feeling unworthy of anyone’s love. I’m tired of beating myself down for eating that ice cream cone after dinner, or the entire bowl of dinosaur shaped chef boyardee. I’m tired of not appreciating my curves. I’m done with telling myself I don’t deserve love or affection or intimacy. I’m tired of dealing with the aftermath from myself and others about my horrible self-terrorizing thoughts.
It’s not worth it. It is not worth my time, or yours, to be dealing with self-loathing. It’s time for me, and you, to realize that you are lovely, someone out there loves you, and that you are, in fact, worthy of affection, and someone’s time. This Lenten season (regardless of my newest religious beliefs), I’m challenging myself to remember that I am awesome, that I am worthy, and that I am beautiful. Can you say the same?
Michelle Minero, the Co-Founder of this blog and the overarching Love Warrior Community published her book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works. You can buy her book online or at the Petaluma Copperfield’s bookstore. For upcoming events and book signings, starting Feb 28th, visit Michelle’s Events page.