In my life I have been codependent. I need to let go of this behavior in order to make positive change happen in my life.
I need to start taking care of myself and only myself. To stop rescuing people and trying to control other people’s problems. I cannot continue in this cycle for the rest of my life. This must start now. I thought I took enough time off after Brant to be in a healthy relationship with Chad or to not be codependent with him. I was severely mistaken. I did not spend that year being good to myself. I did not learn to love myself nearly enough to enter into a new healthy relationship.
After that I searched desperately for some person because I didn’t feel worthy again. I dated a guy who hated himself even more than I did. And when I started to become emotionally attached or dependent, and he noticed it, he backed off. Then I continued this by dating another guy for 3 months. This was the same story of lack of self-worth followed by dependency. The only reason I didn’t get attached to my last boyfriend too soon for him was because I was too damaged by the previous one still to fully let him in as soon as I let the other 2 in. So in return I got attached about the same time he did, if not later. But I didn’t love myself enough even then to get out of the relationship when I noticed many signs and bad red flags. I kept questioning and hoping it was going to prove wrong and or change. Because I had already related the relationship working out with my level of self-worth.
So what has to Change for and from September on is my self-love and self-worth. I want to be single and happy about this. I want to set my life on the forward positive track. Find things and center myself. Discover my needs. Say no to a relationship because it will 100% stop this personal development which I drastically need in order to live a full and happy life with the healthy relationship that I someday will have.
But I will not have one until I have these changes within myself. And I now love myself enough to do that for myself. (:
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