My Favorite Method of Self-Discovery

A conversation I had today via Tweets with my friend Katie. I couldn’t figure out how to embed singular tweets into this post, so the conversation looks a little repetitive. πŸ™‚

The title of this post comes from one of the above tweets. Katie said that writing and list making is one of her favorite forms of self-discovery, and writing is mine. So, through this post I hope to discover how I can meet my needs for a more balanced life.

Like the above conversation shows, I’ve been in this slow, unproductive, unfocused, disimpassionedΒ place, and it doesn’t feel extraordinarily bad, but it doesn’t feel that good either. It’s like a neutral zombie energy.

Since coming back from Hawaii, a little over 3 weeks ago, I’ve noticed some changes.

I’m more balanced in some areas where I was lacking, and I’m more focused in some areas where I was lacking, but at the same time, I’m also less focused.

My social life has increased. I’ve put more effort into hanging out with my best friends and with some newer friends, and I’ve been saying “Yes” more to social engagements.

Work life has become more social for me too. Like going to the Frameline Film Festival Press Conference for Curve Magazine and connecting with people there & making friends with people while at the Β SF GLAAD Media Awards.

Another consistent thing, I’ve been working out and going to the gym about 5 to 6 days out of the week. On a social level, it’s nice to interact with people on a “community” or “acquaintance” level, like building these mini relationships with people at the store, at the coffee shop, at the gym, etc. For me, I’m building these mini relationships with people at the gym. Socially, that’s nice – connecting with people & getting out of the house.

Energy wise, I’ve been running consistently for these past 3 weeks, as well as mixing it up with weight lifting, biking and the gym classes, like Zumba, spin, etc.

I love running. It’s so relaxing. I’ve written about running for the past two years since I’ve been writing self-love posts, but I just love it so much. It’s a full mind-body experience where you have to let go of your thoughts and fully inhabit your body to get the most out of it. It’s very grounding.

The fact that I’ve been consistently running for the past 3 weeks makes me really happy because I’m not always good with being consistent.

I’ve also been shaping something that resembles a schedule or routine these past 3 weeks. The only routine things I’ve stuck to are going to the gym in the morning, and recently, doing 30 minutes of Qigong right when I wake up.

For the past week and a half, I’ve also been trying to wake up earlier, so I can be on the same schedule as the majority of the people around me, so when they want to socialize, I won’t be working, or doing X, Y or Z.

Because I’ve been waking up earlier, I’ve also been trying to go to sleep earlier. This has been working to some extent, but it’s not fully consistent yet. I started to get ready for bed at 10 pm last night, which is super early, but I was really tired by then, so it worked out well. In retrospect, I’m not going to sleep from 3 am to 5 am anymore. A late night may be 1 am, if I’m pushing it 2 am, but rarely. I’m usually going to sleep between 11 pm and 1 am. So that is a big improvement.

So, I have been starting to lay a foundation for a strong and functional routine, which is good. But I have been horribly unfocused when it comes to work, my goals and my priorities.

I know I’m passionate about what I’m doing, or what I should be/want to do, but my energy is gone. That passionate energy that drives me to work and be productive and move forward, I lost that. I know I haven’t lost my passion, but I lost that energy.

Why did I lose that energy? Why did I lose my drive?

I just deleted some of this self-love post because it, along with my thoughts, seemed scattered, and instead of writing more from that scattered view point, I updated part of my bucket list on my site, Community Bucket List. I updated My Current Top Bucket List Focus and My Motivation Behind It, as well as, The First Step I’ll Take & My Action Plan Layout.

I’ll re-update those later because I more so filled those sections in as if I were writing out a self-love post, going through the process of discovering what I want, instead of it being more action-oriented.

My Current Top Bucket List Focus and My Motivation Behind It

Financial stabilityΒ 

I need financial stability to take my life to the next level of feeling like a full adult: living on my own, paying off my student loans, experiencing less financial stress, more freedom, mobility and having money to back my passion projects. Not being financially independent is the biggest thing holding me back, and not being financially independent makes me feel unhappy. It makes me feel like a child, and I won’t feel like an adult until I can fully support myself.

The First Step I’ll Take to Make this Happen & My Action Plan

(I need to update this section later to pull out my first step. πŸ™‚ This turned into a rant, as well as my action plan.)

I feel like the first step I need to take is to follow through with my current responsibilities.

I’ve made a commitment to volunteer X amount of time with EDRS (Eating Disorder Recovery Support), and I haven’t been following through very well. That doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

I’ve made a commitment to work with my mom in building the Love Warrior Community and in helping her finish and publish her book. I have been half following through on this.

I haven’t been following through well because I’m unhappy with where I am in life. I’m not financially independent, and it’s stressful, it doesn’t make me feel good and spending a lot of my time on unpaid work frustrates me, when I could be and probably should be focusing it on paid work.

But I follow through with my commitments, eventually anyways, and lately I haven’t been. So, I need to find a happy medium where I can follow through with the above two commitments, as well as pursue financial stability.

How will I pursue financial stability?

Through freelance writing and through creating my own queer magazine. I’m just starting to realize that publications pay you to write for them, you just need to find the right ones.

Since I’m no longer an intern, Curve Magazine pays me to write for them. I want to continue doing that. I also want to write for The Advocate (LGBT news magazine), Out Magazine (LGBT magazine, largely gay (male) fashion) and EDGE. I already write for EDGE, but I write book reviews, and that’s non-paid. They pay their writers for pieces in their digital magazine, as well as news coverage on their 21 + sites. I want to find and write for other LGBT publications, as well.

I already made a list of paying publications with contacts. The next step would be to look more deeply into those publications and really understand what they cover and then what I can write that will fit, and then find stories to pitch to them.

Then, my queer magazine. I created a blog. Right now it’s called Emelina Minero Writes, Queer Musings & Creative Fancies. I threw the blog together really quickly one night on a free WordPress.com platform. I posted two blog posts so far, and have one piece I’m working on from a reader’s question, an interview with a screenwriter/director that I’m posting tomorrow, a post on LGBT families that I said I would write for LGBT family blogging day and a series of posts revolving around the interviews I did at the SF GLAAD Media Awards. At the end of this month, there will also be a guest post from queer author, Allison Moon.

I’m going to continue to post content to the blog, but soon I’m going to come up with the name of my queer magazine, and register a domain name (the name of my publication), and then pay for self-hosting and create a new website, an online magazine format. I’ll transfer the blog posts from Emelina Minero Writes, to the new site.

Then I’ll continue to build content on the new site, ranging from news and entertainment to opinion pieces, exploring the diversity of the queer spectrum and opening discussion around it.

My overall goal for the magazine is that it will be a digital magazine, as well as print, and then there will be the site with more content. Like other sites, it will cover news and entertainment. There will be interviews, etc, but with a more human focus. When I capture stories and people, I want to capture and connect with those human commonalities that we all share, making the content more powerful and relatable, and less glamy.

Through the opinion pieces and some of the blog posts, I really want to open discussion about the diversity and the bigotry within the queer spectrum. My goal is that from knowing, understanding and getting more exposure of the entire queer spectrum that it will help lesson the bigotry and will help bring the larger queer community together.

Through my magazine, I also want to host events, at first locally in my home town and in the Bay Area. I want to bring the queer community together. I want to bring in speakers, maybe host conferences, and host really chill events, like coffee meet-ups.

Through freelance writing and through subscriptions and advertising from the magazine, I want that to create my financial stability, and I want my passion for writing, connecting with people, supporting people and the LGBT community Β to turn into my career.

New First Steps:

Fully Update my Bucket List & Update my One Year Roadmap. If I’m having trouble focusing, then fully writing out what I want, what’s motivating my desires and an action plan of how to achieve what I want will help me with regaining my focus and drive.

Actions for Me to Take Today

From commitments I already made, I need to:

LWC

  1. Post mom’s self-love post.
  2. Post my self-love post.
  3. Update iPhone to install a work related app.

My Queer Blog

  1. Write interview questions for Emily Ray Reese, writer/director of Baby Lu and email them to her. (For my queer blog. The deadline is approaching because her Kickstarter project is coming to an end.)

EDRS

  1. Write Bridget an update for EDRS, ask about speakers.Β Waiting to hear back from Eve Ensler correspondant.
  2. Call the guy who owns edrs.org.Β I called the owner and left him a voice message, and sent him another email. In a few days if I don’t hear back, I’ll follow up again.
  3. Check email, and make an update on EDRS site.
  4. Try to finish a Logo design for EDRSΒ – Contacted Erica about designing a logo, also looking intoΒ 99Designs. I’m not a professional or even amature logo maker, and I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to unsuccessfully create one for EDRS.

Tomorrow:

Curve Magazine

  1. Contact PR person to set up interview & Prepare interview questions for the cast of lesbian film, Kiss Me.
  2. Prepare interview questions for my phone interview with Kaia Wilson.
  3. Interview Kaia via phone at 1pm.
  4. Write interview questions to Lares Feliciano, filmmaker, and email them to her.

Queer Blog

  1. Post interview with Emily Ray Reese

Other

  1. Email alb’s Talent Agency submissions

LWC

  1. Edit new chapters from mom’s book, Self-Love: The Only Diet That Works:
    • An Invitation to Look Inside
    • Mirror Image
    • The 100 Monkey Phenomenon
    • Will the Real You Please Stand Up?
  2. Make new book check-in goals.
  3. Check self-love gmail.
  4. LWC post.
  5. Update LWC email list.
  6. Send out 1st LWC newsletter email.
  7. Fix contacts on iPhone
  8. Respond to Aqus email about event.

EDRS

  1. Finish rough draft of grant for EDRS
  2. Write interview questions and send them to Arielle (for EDRS blog).
  3. Email Carrie Arnold about 2 guest posts for EDRS blog.
  4. Text Erica about Logo.

Emelina Minero writes for Curve Magazine and EDGE Gay Media Network. She’s working on launching her own progressive LGBTQ publication. She’s a Connection Connoisseur, Networking Maven and Self-Love Enthusiast. She founded Community Bucket List and co-founded the Love Warrior Community. Find her on Twitter, @CommKr8veWriter.

About emelinaminero

I'm passionate about people, community, self-love and the diversity in the human experience.
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2 Responses to My Favorite Method of Self-Discovery

  1. YAY! πŸ™‚ So did writing this post help give you ideas about where your energy went? Ooh, so for example – you could expand on this and use the list method by brainstorming ways to be more financially free. I love that method, because you really start getting creative after coming up with the first 30 obvious answers! πŸ™‚

    This post by Chris Guillebeau about this is really neat, too -http://chrisguillebeau.com/3×5/how-to-quickly-pay-the-bills/ – he pretty much crowdsourced the method to get so many amazing, unique answers. πŸ™‚ Since reading it, I keep thinking about how to get paid to do the things I already like doing – even things like pressure-washing (dude, that is SO satisfying! I could so see myself renting one and offer the service to my neighbors… πŸ™‚

    99designs can be amazing, by the way! I’d love to share my tips on how to get the most out of it. 99designs actually did my YRB logo, I’m so happy with it. πŸ™‚

    You’ll get your bounce back, I know! Cheering for you, Emelina! πŸ™‚

    • Your support means a lot to me. πŸ™‚ Thank you so much! πŸ™‚ Writing this post did give me an idea of where my energy went. πŸ™‚ I think I just didn’t set clearly defined goals for myself, and I started to slack off without a larger clear goal in mind. I also think becoming more social, although needed and fun, threw me a little off balance. I needed to balance out the time spent socializing and working. πŸ™‚

      And I LOVE the idea of the 100 list to create solutions. I’m going to start doing that, as well as get the book Fire Starters. πŸ™‚

      I was looking into 99designs! πŸ™‚ I was looking into them and also contacted a graphic designer friend, and then proposed both ideas to the EDRS President-elect. If they choose to go with 99designs, I would Love your tips on how to get the most of it. πŸ™‚

      Thank you again for your support. πŸ™‚ These past two days have been a big turnaround in my energy. I’ve been working a lot more, and am starting to get a little exhausted, but I’m getting my excitement, energy and passion back. I just need to balance it all out so I don’t burn myself out. πŸ™‚

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