The Positives in the Negatives

I started working at 10 am today, it’s 9:30 pm and I’m still working. I may work for an hour more, I’m not sure yet. I may watch another movie, instead! Last night I watched A Marine Story. I really liked it. Lately I’ve been good at giving myself down time and nights off and I even gave myself a day off on Saturday. All of this time away from work, socializing and down time has happened since I started writing these self-love posts on January 3rd. My writing helped me realize what I needed, and what I needed & still need is balance, to work less and time away from my computer. 🙂

Tuesdays and Thursdays act as half days off. They’re not really days off. I usually work, but I diversify what I choose to work on. And I’ve also been mixing it up and giving myself some good quality non-work time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, like going to the bookstore, going to Jamba Juice, going to the gym, going to wherever that’s outside of my house & away from my computer.

With Curve deadlines arising, I stayed in to work on my day off from Curve from 10 am to about 6:30 pm. Then I started my work for the Love Warrior Community & did some of my own social media stuff that I enjoy doing.

There were a few points throughout the day where I felt tired and irritated. My energy was low. There were times where I felt like taking a nap, going outside, going to the gym, going to the bookstore and calling a friend to catch up would have been greatly beneficial, but I was working.

I felt irritation rising as my wrist and right arm began to hurt more, as it often does hurt now, since I work from my computer and work often. When my parents came home, I responded to them irritably, while I was still working, and felt bad that I was passing on my negative energy to them, and regretted my tone of voice.

At some point, my irritation went away, while I was still working. Throughout the day, I kept on bringing my mind back to what I was grateful for. I love working for Curve. It brings me SO MUCH JOY!

While eating lunch, I was reminiscing about some of my college experiences. I went to Randolph-Macon Woman’s College and it was a matriarchal homonormative society my first year. It transitioned into a co-ed college my second year, so after that it was a clash between matriarchy and patriarchy. We, as women, still had the power, but the environment was no longer welcoming of that power. That’s kind of a side tangent.

Throughout all four years, but particularly my first year, I remember the lesbian atmosphere being amazing & blowing my mind. I was apart of the LGBTQA club all four years. At college I made my first lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, etc. friends. And our bookstore sold Curve Magazine.

I remember groups of us hanging out in so and so’s dorm room, looking through Curve Magazine, talking about queer culture, about what lesbianesque things we read about online. Pre-college I never had a group of people to talk to about gay things. I never talked about gay things. I was never able to completely be at ease with myself, be comfortable with myself or say what was on my mind. In college that changed and Curve Magazine was like the epitome of all things lesbian.

So as I was eating lunch today, I took a step back, and was just amazed by where I am right now since I graduated from college. I only graduated a year & 7 months ago, and now I’m writing for Curve. When I buy the magazine I see my name in the print magazine. I saw my picture in the last two issues. I saw my bio in the recent January/February issue. I see my name on the articles online. That’s crazy!

My pic in the Dec. issue of Curve. I also had an article in the Dec. issue.

My Bio on the contributors page of the Jan/Feb. issue of Curve.

So while I was working with low energy today, getting irritated, I just kept on reminding myself of how grateful I am to be where I am today. I enjoyed everything I did today for Curve, I was just tired doing it. And keeping in mind how much I love working for Curve helped me keep that irritation at bay so it wouldn’t ruin my day.

After I finished my work for Curve and started to work on other things, although my irritation crept in here and there and although I was still tired, I just thought how awesome is it that all the work that I do, although it’s a lot, I love all of it. I’m passionate about all of it. I choose to do it, and although I often overwork myself, I have flexibility in when I want to work and what I choose to work on.

How awesome is that? When I get irritated, I have to remind myself of how grateful I am for what I get to do, and it doesn’t take a lot to remind myself of that. But when I get irritated, I do have to listen to what my body and mind is trying to tell me. It’s telling me I need to slow down.

I could still do everything that I love and I can still get everything done when it needs to get done. And everything will get down and progress in its own time, and the world will continue — even if I give myself days off & don’t overwork myself.

That’s an amazing thing to tell myself. There are a few things holding me back that will enable me to fully live the life that I want, and one of those things is the fact that I’m overworking myself; it’s throwing off my balance and negatively affecting my energy.

I just need to tell myself to stop. It’s that simple, yet difficult — but I have the choice to listen to my body, to listen to my intuition, to listen to my inner wisdom, and the sooner I listen to myself, the sooner I’ll have that balance.

If I continue to ask myself this question and make my actions and thoughts reflect this question, “What would self-love do?” then I’ll be going down the right path. I’ll fumble along the way; I’ll make detours, but as long as I keep asking myself, “How would I treat myself if I was to treat myself with love?” then I’ll be fine. 🙂

With self-love and myself as my guide, life is just a lot happier. Seeing life through the lens of self-love helps me see things more clearly.

Emelina Minero writes for Curve Magazine and EDGE Media Network. She’s working on launching her own progressive LGBTQ publication. She’s a Connection Connoisseur, Networking Maven and Self-Love Enthusiast. She founded Community Bucket List and co-founded the Love Warrior Community. Find her on Twitter, @CommKr8veWriter.

Go here to submit your 10 minute self-love writing: Share your writing with the Self-Love Warrior group blog!, here to see a list of all self-love writing submitted for this event & to get a run down of what’s going on & here to join the event via the Official Facebook Event page & to get updates on the 10 Minute Self-Love Writing Challenge.

About emelinaminero

I'm passionate about people, community, self-love and the diversity in the human experience.
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