I’m writing this at 7:55 pm and I feel like it’s bedtime, but I probably won’t go to bed until midnight or 1 am.
Recently, my energy levels have been telling me that I need to go to sleep at around 6 or 8 pm, but I don’t. This could be why I am often mentally exhausted.
Addicted To Work
I work myself to exhaustion, partly because I’m addicted to the work because I am in love with my work and partly because I put a lot on my plate and partly because I feel like I need to get X amount done before X day or all hell will break loose. The third part is untrue, and it’s a non-truth I need to frequently remind myself so I can relax, allow myself a break and some down time — and sleep. 🙂
I’m In Love With Connecting With and Helping Others
Let’s talk about the part I’m in love with. 🙂 I’m in love with building online communities and networking. I’m in love with connecting with people, collaborating with people and helping people. I’m in love with writing and social media. All of these point to —> me being in love with Community Bucket List, The Love Warrior Community and writing for Curve Magazine.
Curve Magazine Causes Extreme Joy and Caused a Lot of Anxiety at First
I got an internship for Curve Magazine, the best-selling lesbian magazine in the nation this past September and it ends towards the end of December. At first, writing for Curve was as equally stressful as it was exciting. I didn’t know where I stood, I wondered what my editor thought, I worried I messed up on an interview, in my writing, … I was basically self-doubting myself, which turned an amazing opportunity and something that brought me a lot of joy into something that caused me the most anxiety.
Overtime, with a lot of positive self-talk, reflecting, confiding in others, letting go and trusting and believing in myself, I was able to let go of 99% of that self-doubt and 88% of that anxiety. Occasionally a self-criticizing thought will sneak into my mind and I’ll tell it, “You’re off your rockers! I’m amazing! My writing is wonderful and humorous, and I connect extraordinarily well with the people I interview. I’m a great intern and my editor loves me! Shut your mouth self-criticizing thoughts! You’re wrong.”
There’s still that 12% of anxiety that working with Curve causes me. It’s low level anxiety, nothing that causes me too much stress. It’s more of a nagging pressure of “I need/want to achieve a lot.” I like being prepared, so I like prep time for writing questions and researching a person before I interview them. I also like to be productive and have a lot of ideas for articles I want to write, so if I want to get them all written before my internship ends, I need to be writing a lot. My low level anxiety comes from the pressure I put on myself to do a lot.
Curve is also a great networking opportunity. I have been able to connect with a lot of people in the creative lesbian community and it helps when I have Curve behind my name. Another pressure I put on myself is to use this month window I have left with Curve to continue to forge these relationships I’m developing with people and businesses. I want to get the most that I can from this opportunity and I’m putting a lot of my time and pressure on myself to make sure that I do.
I’m also putting a lot of time into working for Curve because I love it. I wake up excited and happy to work for Curve. I’m excited and smiling while I’m working for Curve, and I’m elated after I finish working with Curve. (I also recently got published in their print magazine, I’m usually published online, and there’s also a picture of me in their newest issue with Jane Lynch on the cover. I was so stoked to see it!)
So perhaps this isn’t all bad pressure or bad stress, but of course I could use more sleep so I wouldn’t be as exhausted. 🙂
The Love Warrior Community Is Reborn
I’ve been working on a new layout and re-design of the Love Warrior Community. We’re going to be re-launching the Love Warrior Community and it will be easier to navigate and more interactive. 🙂 It’s almost ready and we’ll be having a Grand Opening celebration in December.
We’ll also have our fist Love Warrior intern, starting December 17th!
I’ve been working like a maniac on the re-launch and internship for the Love Warrior Community and I’m So Excited! It’s going to be Amazing!
Community Bucket List
Community Bucket List has been going very well, slow, yet not at all. Slow compared to my progress with Curve and the Love Warrior Community, which means not that slow at all. In October I created a Community Bucket List Mastermind group for people who submitted action-oriented bucket lists and who wanted more focus and support in achieving their main goals. It has been going great. 🙂 I also re-designed my home page, making the purpose of Community Bucket List more clear from the start. I’ve been slow on publishing content and going forward with some of my ideas to get more people involved with Community Bucket List since I’ve been focusing most of my time on the Love Warrior Community and Curve, but I’m happy with the growth pace of Community Bucket List right now.
I’ve also been juggling other, equally time-consuming projects. One of which is an LGBTQA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning and ally) contest I entered to be sent to NYC to the Straight Talk Conference in March, 2012. I’m currently in first place, but have been going back and forth between first and second place. It has been fun, but time consuming to find ways to promote my entry in the What Drives You contest so I can maintain my position in first place. A trip to NYC would be amazing! 🙂 But recently I have been adding a lot onto my plate, membership in groups, creating clubs, entering contests, building communities, school, etc.
Sometimes I wonder if I have too much on my plate. Some days I think yes, other days I think no. I’ve been doing okay with balancing my projects, priorities and passions, but I am often mentally exhausted and the only reason I don’t fall asleep when I’m tired is because I get an altered second wind of excitement with my work, which makes me able to continue working late into the night/morning.
I’m tired and I don’t like it. Sometimes I feel like my energy is closed off when I’m interacting with people in person, and I don’t like it. Sometimes there are certain things I would like to add more into my life to create more balance and I don’t always allow myself to add those in to my life.
I know that I need to add more self-care and reflection into my routine, more down time. I did a SoulCollage® mini day retreat with my mom and her colleagues a Saturday or two ago and it was just what I needed. I felt my energy opening up. I felt connected to everyone and everything around me. I felt grounded and replenished and I gained a lot of good insight from my SoulCollage® cards.
I was reading skimming through some of my first self-love posts while working on developing the Love Warrior Internship today and I remembered how great I felt when I was actively working on and writing about self-love daily.
I’m working on a lot of great projects that have and will continue to help a lot of people, which is fulfilling, but I’m realizing that I am overworking myself and I do need to create more time for myself.
Now I just need to reflect on this more. I know that writing out a plan will help me to implement more self time into my life. My next step is to get a binder to write all of my goals in, which will include my self-love goals and I will schedule in down time, alone time, replenishing time, etc. 🙂 (And I also want to make writing more self-love posts a priority.) 🙂
Emelina Minero writes for Curve Magazine and EDGE Media Network. She’s working on launching her own progressive LGBTQ publication. She’s a Connection Connoisseur, Networking Maven and Self-Love Enthusiast. She founded Community Bucket List and co-founded the Love Warrior Community. Find her on Twitter, @CommKr8veWriter.