I’m a worrier. It’s a paradox. When it comes to the big things, I don’t worry. In the grand scheme of things, I know I’m on the right path, and that life will turn out fine, but when it comes to everyday tasks or non-life changing things, I worry.
These past 6 days that I have been making self-love actions and thoughts a conscious and active process, I’ve noticed a shift. I can stop myself from worrying. Whenever I catch myself thinking a negative thought, I tell myself to stop, and I change my thought pattern.
It’s such a simple concept, and I’ve heard my mom says this many times. I thought I already did this. I thought I was a positive person, and I am, and I did act out this concept to a degree. But now that I’m making a conscious effort to be aware of my thoughts throughout the day, I catch myself making negative thoughts that I normally wouldn’t have caught, thoughts that I would have let fallen through the cracks and labeled as “every day thoughts,” every day self-defeating thoughts.
If I wake up and feel tired, grumpy, or slow, sometimes I would let it affect me, and it would take me all day to “wake up,” to get out of that state, and to be active and productive. I use to tell myself that I couldn’t get certain things done, or that they would take too much time, or that it’s too big of a task, or that I can’t fit it all in, or I can’t do X, Y, and Z.
That was a problem. I told myself I couldn’t do something before I even tried it. I told myself how something was going to end up, without even trying to change it.
Becoming aware of my negative habits over these past 6 days has enabled me to change them. If I catch myself in that sleepy, unproductive state, but I know I slept well, and I just had caffeine, then I know it’s my mentality. I tell myself that I don’t need to feel sluggish. I can change it, and if I’m at the computer, I take a break and do something active, like cleaning, going for a walk, etc. Or drink a glass of water or have a snack to eat. Sometimes feeling tired could mean that I’m dehydrated or hungry.
I’ve been walking, jogging or biking in the mornings these past 6 days. I use to tell myself that only walking two miles wouldn’t be good enough, it would be like doing nothing, compared to the 2 mile jog warm-ups I did for Cross Country. I was devaluing what I wanted to do, telling myself it wasn’t worth it, but it is. I feel great starting my mornings with exercise. Two miles of walking or biking is exactly what my body needs right now. If I continued to let my self-defeating thoughts win, I wouldn’t exercise at all, and I wouldn’t progress in my health.
I use to tell myself that I couldn’t get my mom’s website done. It was so complicated. It was such a big task. My mind was running with all of these ideas. How could I reel them all in? Once again, I was setting myself up for defeat, but then I just did it. I just started working on it, and I realized that I did know what I was doing. I did have focus, and I could get a lot done relatively quickly. Now I’m almost finished with the restructure of her website.
Love has always been my mantra. I live my life with love, for myself and for others. And I always have done that, but there’s a difference between embodying love and embodying self-love. And there’s a difference between desiring and wanting self-love in your life, and consciously working on bringing self-love into your life.
I had always thought I was doing the latter, that I was consciously bringing self-love into my life, but I realized that writing about it, reflecting on it, and actively thinking about it throughout the day, that it’s very different.
I can feel my energy shift. When I take an active path of daily self-love, I’m happier, I worry less, I’m more productive, I feel like I have more free time, and I’m enjoying all of my time and life.
I woke up today feeling a little worried, a little tense about some of the guidelines I need to make by tomorrow, and some different projects I’m working on, but throughout the day, whenever that worry sprouted up, I just told myself to relax. That it would all get done. There’s no reason to worry.
Sure enough, one by one, I was getting my tasks done. I wasn’t spending that time on worrying and inaction.
I feel like I am taking ownership of my mantra, love: love for myself and love for others, and it feels great. 🙂
Emelina Minero writes for Curve Magazine and EDGE Gay Media Network, and is Curve’s Social Media Manager. She’s launching her own progressive LGBTQ publication, The Human Experience. She’s a Connection Connoisseur, Networking Maven and Self-Love Enthusiast. She founded Community Bucket List and co-founded the Love Warrior Community. Find her on Twitter, @CommKr8veWriter.