Yesterday I wrote a self-love post titled, Cultivating My Own Mothering Energy. I was struggling a lot with focusing yesterday, more so than usual, and I got to this point where I was fed up with it. I needed something to change. I needed to take action to make things change, but I didn’t know where to start.
Cultivating My Own Mothering Energy was an exploratory and discovery post. It was one of those posts where I start writing knowing my issues, but not the answers, and then by the end of the post I came up with helpful solutions.
By the end of the post I made a commitment to blog daily here for the month of May about my journey in cultivating focus and creating more structure for myself.
How has my 12-hour commitment gone so far? Well, one of my goals was to get myself on a consistent sleep schedule. For this past week, it has been my plan to go to bed by 11pm and to wake up around 7 or 8am. Well, I went to sleep around 6:30 to 7:00am and woke up around 8am. So that plan didn’t pan out too well for last night’s sleep, but I’m grateful for the small nap.
But after writing yesterday’s post, I did make some big changes. I realized that I wasn’t focusing at all that day, and that my lack of focus wouldn’t likely change. So I put my responsibilities aside, knowing and trusting that I’d get everything I needed to have done by Friday completed, and then I spent the rest of yesterday focusing on myself and my needs.
One thing I noted in Cultivating My Own Mothering Energy was that I don’t have a good workspace, which makes it hard to focus. I work at my kitchen table or at the desk in my bedroom. My bedroom was Messy! So last night after writing my self-love post, I spent some time organizing it. I went through old bags of clothes that I packed from college, pulled out what I wanted, put aside another pile for donation and washed all my clothes. I started going through what was on my desk and dresser, recycling, throwing away and putting away papers and trinkets, and adding things to my donation pile. My room looks A Lot better! I haven’t finished and still have some more to do, but I can already feel the difference in my room, and thus my work space.
I also took out my planner yesterday and wrote down the few appointments that I have in it. Now those dates aren’t floating around in the ether space in my head, bothering me. Now that I have them written down, I can let go of the thoughts in my head, trusting that I’ll remember my appointments when I look in my planner.
Today I’m seeing a doctor about possibly taking ADD medication. I also want to discuss non-medication options with her, as well as my thoughts, goals and ideas I have about creating a new routine and more structure in my life. I have a few concerns about other things that may be dampering my focus, and it will be nice to have everything more or less settled once I’ve talked to her. I’m hoping to leave her office with clearer beginning steps for a plan for more structure.
As for starting my morning with exercise, and leaning more towards an outside run instead of doing a low key workout at the gym, I’m going to be biking to my doctor’s appointment. I won’t be running, but I’ll get my exercise, as well as nature and the sunshine.
As for my goal of a healthy breakfast, I made this really delicious shake. I grabbed a banana, part of an apple, some yogurt, some milk and a spoonful of peanut butter (because it goes well with apples and bananas!) and blended it all up. I guessed it would taste good, but wasn’t sure, and it tasted great. I don’t often eat fruit, and I want to start my mornings with something healthy to try to optimize my energy and focus for the rest of the day, so it was cool to see that I could blend different fruit into a drink and get it into my breakfast that way.
My goals for today: talk to the doctor, work more on organizing my room, maybe take a nap, work & focus and if there’s time, start updating my action-oriented bucket list so I can have clearer focus on my overarching goals.
Starting to clean my room, writing in a planner, not meeting my sleeping goal and reflecting on my focus habits, these may seem like small steps, and my sleep last night could be seen as a setback, but I was chatting with one of my best friends last night and she told me, “It can be hard to make a bunch of shifts all at once- so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
That was good to hear. I have all these things that I want to do now. I want to change my lifestyle to a focused one now. I want focus now. I want everything to happen at all once, but that’s not how transitions or shifts work. It takes time to make something shift. I need to let go of that desire for immediacy. I need to remind myself to not be hard on myself and to be appreciative of all the small steps and progress that I make.
I’m learning to be grateful for small progress.
Emelina Minero writes for Curve Magazine and EDGE Media Network. She’s working on launching her own progressive LGBTQ publication. She’s a Connection Connoisseur, Networking Maven and Self-Love Enthusiast. She founded Community Bucket List and co-founded the Love Warrior Community. Find her on Twitter, @CommKr8veWriter.